Top Ten Things Not To Say When Trying To Rent A Room From Me

A selection of actual comments from last weekend’s open house.

10. “I’m in process of breaking up with my longterm partner, but we’re going to see how it goes.”

9. “I want to take down part of the back fence and put in a hot tub…Burning Man is a really important part of my life.”

8. “…and then I discovered waterbeds.” (makes a sound like Homer discovering the Gummi Venus de Milo)

7. A lengthy explanation of the importance of furnaces in your childhood memories, interrupted by, “you know, I am from Transylvania.”

6. “You aren’t going to check my credit report, are you?”

5. “So…how many parking spaces are included?”

4. “It’s great that you like all this computer stuff, I can never figure it out on my own. Now I know who to ask!”

3. “I’m a Velveeta-on-white-bread kind of guy.”

2. “I’ve lived in the Bay Area since 1991…I don’t really have friends in town, it takes me a while to make friends.”

And the number one thing to avoid saying when trying to rent a room from me:

“You look like a black shadow, nothing but a black shadow! Please, move away from the window!”


2 responses to “Top Ten Things Not To Say When Trying To Rent A Room From Me

  1. Yup, number 2 wins it for me. Number 1 reminds me of when someone came to on friday for the Melbourne/Australia Long Tail Camp at 5pm (people turning up from 630pm) and i was thinking, Ohmigod, someone is really early.. and they have a folder in their hand.. So i turn pandora from 7 on the volume scale to 2… or so.. open the door (not yet showered or changed) and Im like “so nice to meet you, you are here early.. make yourself at home, use the wireless i was just about to have a shower.. etc”… They then started their donations to some charity i didnt hear and said “honestly any day but today, im running late, doing a startup, poor, running an event, if you had turned up at any other time i probably would have given money”…

    Yup, 1991… no friends since…. i liked the parking space one too..

  2. Wow that does sound pretty heinous. Although, I have to say, it is kinda hard for me to make friends here too. I didn’t have any until late 2004, and I’ve been here since 1999. And the only reason I do have friends now is because of blogging!

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